You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
