Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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