you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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