I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
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Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
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He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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