im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
