I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
