Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize