Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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