My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I need moral support for this bender
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
