She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
