apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
