the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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