Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
