whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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