Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
