The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
vagina is talking i cant
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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