i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
