I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
