I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
