I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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