He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
