I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
