So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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