So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
