she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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