I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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