Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
