haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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