I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize