She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
