i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
