How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
