Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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