first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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