I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
