I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
