Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize