I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
