i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You're a waste of cheezeits
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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