Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
