I have demons in me.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
