jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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