Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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