The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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