is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I need a beard to bite.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
