Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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