Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
