I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
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Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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