i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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