3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
