Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
