she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
operation harelip BJ is a go
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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