Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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