Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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