So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
