I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you didnt know i had herpes?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize