I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
