Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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