I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
