FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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