In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
