Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
