theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
