I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
