My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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