I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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