He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
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Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
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While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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