he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
