I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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