We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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