WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize