just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
only if we run a train.
done.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
