Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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