I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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