Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The struggles of a small town man whore
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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