we're chasing vodka with high fives
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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