fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
