So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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